Beat Me Up, but Recognize Me!

Beaten up… I would like to get beaten up… It would make me feel alive again… Real.

I need something, something to bring me back to reality…

Need, needs, wants; for life; for creation; for nothing. I am nothing. If only I was something… someone… like before… it was nice being someone before… I`ve fitted a profile. It felt nice. I fitted a need… now the need is gone, but another one emerged. I want to be something else… more real… more present… I want to exist in this unpleasantness of non presentness…I want to be beat up.

…huh… maybe it would make me feel accepted again?… recognized. Where does this need for recognition stop? More and more is all we know. “Please recognize me! I want to be a part”; but I actually don`t… I am disgusted, but I can`t escape it. It is there…I need it but I don`t want it… I don`t want it shaping me… However, I crave its acceptance; glory within it; So pathetic…thinking but not comprehending.

I just wonder if I`ll ever be able to escape it?

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